Caliginously Flushed
by twelvewildkangaroos
Summary: Supposed to be Erisol fluff but uh. Sort of messed up on that part. (Rated T because of cursing and no kids should be reading Homestuck, honestly.)
**i meant for this to be erisol fluff but i have literally never written romance so uh. oops.**

* * *

There are four ways to love someone. There's moirails, which is basically platonic dating and kismesissitude, a mutual hatred which sort of resembles romance. Auspisticism is like a polyamorous relationship, but one of the members keeps the others from slipping into insanity/kismesissitude.

And finally, matespritship. Human romance in a nutshell, sappy red relationships.

Eridan had created a reject club in his mind, exclusively for trolls with no quadrants filled. It was "forevver alone club", and he was the only member. Since it was in his mind, though, that was to be expected.

The violet-blooded troll was dumped in almost every quadrant. There was a human, who had _blown up his fucking computer_ when he tried to ask her to be matesprits. Then there was Fef, who'd broken up as moirails on the same day Eridan had asked to be flushed. His kismesis thing with Vriska had... not worked. As far as the sea dweller could remember, he'd never been in an auspiticiticous relationship. Also the only one he'd never been dumped in.

Eridan was just about done with romance and quadrants and red and black and all of this shit. His ex-moirail had something flushed going on with Sollux. Surprisingly, Eridan and Sollux had never tried to start a kismesissitude. They probably hated each other more than enough for it, though.

God, Sollux had _all_ the luck. Not that Eridan envied him for it. The highblood would never _envy_ someone so low on the blood caste. In fact, Eridan's feelings toward Sollux could barely be called envy.

Sollux had two happy quadrants going, until today. His moirallegiance with Aradia, and his happy perfect matespritship with Feferi that should've been Eridan's. Unfortunately, the first time Aradia died Sollux did it with his fuckin psionics, and then the blue-blooded robot body Equius built- at least that sweaty lunk understood the hemospectrum, that was pretty much all Eridan could say about him- blew up a few hours ago. And Feferi...

Eridan had been an idiot. The sea dweller himself had just killed Feferi. Just to spite Sollux, who was _so oblivious Eridan wanted to smack him_. Or maybe his fight with pissblood mchacker had been the final straw. Either way, Eridan had pretty much snapped.

He'd taken the obvious choice and gone on a murderous rampage. First he either ko'ed or killed Sollux, then used his wand to make a neat hole in Feferi. Kanaya, one of the less annoying lowbloods, had been there too- she had a "matrorb" or something, supposed to be the savior of their species. Eridan had blown it apart, then blown her apart.

Now he was sitting alone on the dark floor of the lab in a dead-end corridor. _God_ , he was stupid. Sollux was stupid. Feferi was stupid. Aradia was stupid. Vriska was stupid. Kanaya was stupid. _Everybody on this goddamn meteor was so fuckin stupid._

Now almost everyone he'd considered for a quadrant was dead in some way or another. Karkat was still alive, though. There might've been some hope in that, before he had _watched Eridan murder three trolls_ in front of him. The violet-blooded troll slammed his head into the wall, wincing as his horns scraped it.

 _Every single fucking person._ It would've been nice to even at least propose a kismesissitude to Sollux. Despite the fact that he had trolls throwing themselves at him, and seemed to be the only one actively maintaining straight relationships, maybe he'd take pity on someone with no quadrants filled. Of course, that was wishful thinking, seeing as Eridan had just killed the object of his desires.

The highblood dropped his head into his arms and gritted his teeth. He was done, done with moirallegiances, done with matespritship, done with Feferi, done with trying to get Sollux into a relationship. Eridan wasn't even sure which quadrant he wanted Sollux in, but it didn't matter now that he was dead.

 _goddamnit you fuckin idiots wwhy'd you go and get yourselvves killed. noww im just a fuckin murderer in the eyes of probably evveryone on this gogforsaken rock. congrats youvve made me that one troll who kills his exes._

He sat there for who knows how long. It was pretty early or late when Eridan finally got up. He wandered the halls for a bit, then suddenly turned a corner and found himself at a transportalizer. Deciding he had nothing to lose, Eridan stepped on.

The troll ended up on the roof. He sighed and walked forward, and realized his former kismesis was standing, facing someone else. Across from Vriska, Gamzee stood with clubs in his hands. He murmured something- the word honk, from the sound of it.

Eridan grabbed his gun and strode forward, in between Vriska and Gamzee. Seeing his ex-kismesis was the last glub, the "final straw" as a human might put it. The three looked like an odd auspisticism, except they were all at each other's throats, nobody was keeping them together, and _they weren't in a relationship for gog's sake_.

Grabbing his wand, Eridan tensed. He almost shot Vriska, but paused. Something was...

The jade-blood, Kanaya, burst onto the roof holding a revving chainsaw. She kicked Gamzee over the edge of the roof. Eridan sighed. _wwhat is evveryone i killed coming back to life. are wwe havving a laugh at eridan he cant kill anyone party._

While Eridan was having his internal pity party, Kanaya was running toward him. He screamed as she cut right through him, spilling royal blood everywhere.

 _wwell shit sol looks like ill be joining you_

* * *

 **ah god look, look at this horribly rushed ending. anyway yes. fanfiction.**  
 **in other news, you know your life's gone to shit when you can relate to a fish**  
 **i probably just wrote about eridan's extreme shittiness at relationships twenty times, like "he was dumped in every quadrant. what made it worse is that he killed most of his dumpees." oh god kill me now**  
 **alright that's enough from me for now sam is out**


End file.
